It's Just a Bullet to the Head

Growing up I was lucky enough to have a farm. It wasn't a traditional farm, it was more a suburban kind of farm. I absolutely loved animals and I would adopt unwanted cats.

They were outside cats by the way. I didn't live a hoarders life where there just might be a cat carcass under that pile of food over there. Excuse the shit on the ground, Smoky did that last week and I haven't gotten around to cleaning it up yet.

When looking for my own personal cat I would make sure to get the one that looked like it had at least two paws in the grave. The more sickly the better. I wanted to be able to give that cat a chance. I would take the runt/dying kitten home and nurse it back to health. I am so  lucky that my mom also loved animals because bringing home a half dead ugly ass cat isn't ideal to most people. I am also lucky that I have never once had ring worm and I am glad humans can't get ear mites. I must had a stomach of steal growing up. It would eventually grow up to be this huge beautiful cat. I have probably raised over 70 cats that were not mine. We would go through cat food like crazy and my parents would wonder, How much are you feeding your cat? It looks like it's almost dead, it can't be eating that much. Little did they know.

Well the reason I tell this bit of information is to give you a little history on my love for all God's creatures. Except one that I want to stake out and shoot! There has been a dog that comes to our house every night and gets into our trash. If it would just pick up before it left I wouldn't want to skin it and use it as a coat. I know that I should put my trash can lids on tighter or on at all, but when it's -6 degrees outside one has to come up with ways to get their trash from the door to the trash can without actually leaving the comfort of ones home. I have mastered throwing a full bag of trash from my door to my trash can on the side of my house. I do not want to put on shoes or a coat to go outside and place the trash in the can like a normal person and struggle with snapping that lid on with my ice covered delicate hands. I want to be a warm trash throwing person with good aim.
One funny comment that came out of my 4 year old was, Yup, we have to kill the dog. I looked in my rear view mirror and gave a look of concern. He said it with no hesitation and with such ease. Whelp, shoot in the head so we can get to eating our sticky buns. I was quiet for a couple seconds thinking in my head, what do I say to that comment. After all I am sitting in the front seat saying I am going to KILL THAT DOG!! So, nothing to worry about until he is at least 10. He was only copying his animal lover mother. At least he would have helped me get rid of the body. I guess I am going to have to do something completely out of the box and put my trash cans in the garage.


Nick, Kelsey, Makoy, & Spud said...

If it makes you feel any better, the same freaking dog comes to our house and digs through our trash too. If you need one, you definitely have an accomplice. Let me know. :)

Matthew said...

oh, you're alive. nice. Is your trash can metal? If it is, you should just put some sort of tasty substance on the side so the dog will lick it, then maybe its tongue will get stuck and die. Maybe. Worth a shot.