4.4.12

JIMMY!! Right here!!

So yesterday April 3rd my husband threw me a surprise 30th birthday party. He put a lot of work into it and it turned out amazing. One thing that he did was a video montage and he rented out a whole theater to show it. In the very beginning of the video  he is dressed like you doing thank you notes. He knows I watch you every night and think you're hilarious. I am well aware that you have 1 billion other things to do but if you could I would GREATLY! appreciate a video shout out to my husband and friends for throwing me the best 30th birthday party ever. Thanks so much for your time Aricka (everyone says my name wrong so, Erica) Beck
email: angelbeck628@gmail.com

5.4.11

No Shame

 My kids are notorious for saying really rude things out loud in front of a crowd. Dan and I just avoid looking at eachother because we know if we make eye contact we will start laughing and that will be the end.
There have been times where we have waited until we were in the car to bust up and my kids are asking us, why aren't you driving? How come you guys are laughing so hard? We of coarse can't answer them because we are not breathing.

Just to give you some prime examples:
One time Dexter stood up on the seat in a very crowded Arbys got a very amused look on his face and said loudly, "fat people eat here too?" and then proceeded to point at someone. I didn't even look up I thought, there are no words right now.



Dan and I decided to take all our kids to get some ice cream and we were sitting there and a small person/midget, (seriously I don't know what is politically correct), walked by and Zeke said, " Oh my gosh! I am bigger than him and he is a man!" then he laughed and pointed. I again had no words.

I took my kids to play at a McDonald's play toy. The toy has a long tube slide coming off it. It does look a little small, an adult would barely make it through one. My table is right by that slide and Dexter and I are the only ones that are sitting and eating. We are just watching all the kids go down that slide. A little chubby girl, okay I am just going to be blunt, a very overweight little girl went down the slide. I was praying, please Dexter don't say anything, please just let him not see her. Whelp that didn't happen. As soon as she got to her feet he laughed and said, "look that fat girl made it through the slide." Then he goes back to eating like he didn't just emotionally scar this 6 year old. I just shook my head and thought, any minute I am going to get beat up by this girls mom.

I don't know where my kids exactly get this sense of humor. Dan and I do not make fun of people... in front of them. I am not going to pretend that I haven't seen something weird and made a comment to my husband at a later more private time. I mean Dexter loves to announce in church that he has to go poop and he needs to go now before it comes out of his butt. I don't ever announce my bathroom visits to my children. I don't feel like this is a learned habit, I am just going to go ahead and say they are just kids. That are mean sometimes.

3.3.11

Mascots Gone Wild!

How would you feel if you turned on your TV and saw Ronald McDonald air humping a customer? Would you think, wow I am really craving one of their Big Macs. Or, kids come in here and see what Mr. McDonald is doing, it's classic!  Unless you are a drunken parent and found the humor, you would more than likely be upset.

I recently had the opportunity to do a commerical with Charlie Chuckar, the mascot from the Idaho Falls baseball team. The agent that told me about this job told me that I would be in an evening gown pretending to have dinner with Charlie. I agreed. The day of the shoot she called me again and said, we want you to be in the jacuzzi scene. I hesitated and then thought, it's gotta be harmless, I mean he is a mascot and he signs shirts and hats for kids through the whole game. So I said okay.

The director was over the top to say the least. I wanted to ask him what other work he had done before this commercial and there would be no shock if he were to say, oh well I dabbled in the porn industry for awhile.

I shot three scenes with Charlie that day and two out of the three scenes could maybe be okay for young adults to see. The last scene I did was meant for a 45 year old truck driver whose favorite channel is Spice. I had to snuggle up to Charlie in the hot tub and then he was told to suggestively tell the camera to go away and to give us some privacy. Keep in mind this is a full grown man in a bird costume who is chanting the whole time, this is for the kids, this is for the kids. Am I in a freaking nightmare right now? Yes, I am.

You would think this couldn't get any worse, but oh yes it does. I am not doing this alone. I am in the jacuzzi with my sister in law who is now told to sit on his lap! I thought she was going to drown herself right there and then.  I felt horrible for the guy in the costume. When I asked him, how he was doing? He just said, I am glad I have a mask on because I am completely red right now. Of coarse you are, in a matter of five seconds you went from Charlie Chuckar to Woody the woodpecker. The director looked at my sister in law and said, you look uncomfortable. Is that weird? I mean she is sitting on a man who is dressed like a bird in the jacuzzi while people are filming it and all you can hear is, I'm doing this for the kids, I'm doing this for the kids. This was like a horror film.

Luckily my acting days were over with Charlie after that scene. I later heard the last scene that was shot the director actually made Charlie, the bird who is, just doing this for the kids, flip the camera off. Maybe instead of giving his autograph he can start drawing obscene pictures and we can really stir this shiz up!

1.3.11

Down dog, now try and get back up.

So as you know I have been a little on edge and stressed. Talking to myself, breaking down in random places. So I have been looking for some sort of outlet. While I was driving my kids to school I heard on the radio that yoga can help with depression. After I talked myself into maybe considering that I have a little itty bitty teeny tiny bit of depression. I thought, okay I will try yoga.

I find out that yoga starts at 6 in the morning! What the...!

Now I can be depressed and tired! Yay! That is a great combo, I can tell the doctor, I didn't quiet complete the suicide because I was too tired to actually put some back into it. (This is a joke) 

Wednesday morning I get to yoga a little late so I am embarrassed walking in. I walk in and I notice that everyone has a cute little mat that they are doing their yoga on.  So I go into the little room with the mats and I find A mat but I guess it wasn't THE mat I needed. The instructor gives me one of those laugh sighs and says, honey, not this mat. Okay lady, I am in here to relieve stress and your ass isn't helpin!

So I am taking deep breaths and really trying to get into this whole relaxation thing with my leg over my head my hands up in the air and my face looking up at the ceiling or I'm sorry, gazing at the ceiling. I am just going to be completely honest and tell you that people who say this exercise is relaxing is LYING. I was in crazy positions and then told to hold that crazy position for 5 breaths.Now we're going to take all our limbs off the ground and levitate for 10 breaths.

I went through the poses I did probably 30 down dogs and by the end of the class I was lightheaded and on the verge of throwing up. The good news was that I was no longer thinking about how stressed I was. I was now thinking I have the body of an 80 year old man.

Maybe next time I can go from having an 80 year old body to a 60 year old body. Next week my goal is to actually reach my shins. Yea, I'm that bad.

26.1.11

Melancholy

Well what can I say, today has been a very interesting day. I am going to warn you this post is kind of depressing. So if you are on the verge of slitting your wrist, I wouldn't read it.

I have realized today that I am not coping with reality. I need to maybe Google this, but I think I have post traumatic stress. I keep saying to myself over and over, this didn't happen, this didn't happen. He is not really dead.

I could be walking down the street and then out of know where I am like this crazy drunken bag lady breaking down in front of people. So what would I be "googling"? Symptoms include : Having sudden panic attacks, not wanting to deal with reality, spontaneous crying, running 6, 7, 8 miles to release frustration, wants to kill her pet zebra finches, wants to punch someone in the face, wants to go away and rest for a good week. Is this normal? Oh I am not asking you, I am asking my crazy self. That is what us crazies do we talk to ourselves and answer our own questions. Sometimes I argue with myself. Shh, don't say that, they'll think we're crazy.

One thing that I don't want people to confuse, is that I am not sad over him being dead. I know he is in a better place. I know I will miss him. I am not melancholy because of that. The melancholy comes from watching him die. So even tho I know he is comfortable where he is and has had a joyous reunion with late family members. I still had to wait for all the organs to shut down in a healthy 31 year old. I still had to wait for him to take his last breath. I still had to hold my grieving mother. I still had to plan a funeral. I still had to write his eulogy. I still have to get up everyday and tell myself, this did happen, you are going to have to deal with this reality. What else can I do, but that. I am hoping that writing about it, helps.

It's not a bad dream, it really happened.

18.1.11

No Picnic

 My morning was. . .not good. I was going to cuss but decided not to. I am just going to go ahead and say that being a stay at home mom is the hardest freaking job ever! You NEVER GET A DAY OFF! So this is my story,  I get my kids dressed ready for school, I feed them breakfast, help get shoes on and then tell them to get into the truck so we can go. (The first time is always calmly said.)  I have to drive and pick them up everyday. YUP, it sucks. I can hear my kids playing in our very dirty garage, so I yell out, GET IN THE TRUCK!( This warning has a little more of a scary tone in it.) Their reply was, WE CAN'T THE DOOR IS LOCKED. Oh No!( Satan now comes out) My purse and keys and spare key (long story) are in the truck. We were going to be on time but now we are not. I shockingly couldn't get a hold of Dan. I luckily live next door to family so I borrowed their vehicle and took my kids to school. Since they were late I had to sign them in and since it was early in the morning and I stayed up late watching The Bachelor, I was still in pajamas. I looked like the crypt keeper. Good morning everyone.

We get home walk in the door and Dexter throws up all over the floor. It is a mix of milk, cereal and slime? I was so grossed out. After cleaning up the mysterious vomit I tried to calm myself down with a little exercise on the treadmill, get some of this frustration out! I'm hitting my third mile I am really having to talk myself into staying on the treadmill, I am dodging toys that Kingston is throwing under my feet and then all of sudden the power goes out. My treadmill comes to a complete stop and I run myself into the treadmill. What else could go wrong?

 The highlight of my day was when  I was doing homework with my son and he stopped to tell me that his wiener was stuck to his balls. Thanks for that.

5.1.11

It's Just a Bullet to the Head

Growing up I was lucky enough to have a farm. It wasn't a traditional farm, it was more a suburban kind of farm. I absolutely loved animals and I would adopt unwanted cats.

They were outside cats by the way. I didn't live a hoarders life where there just might be a cat carcass under that pile of food over there. Excuse the shit on the ground, Smoky did that last week and I haven't gotten around to cleaning it up yet.

When looking for my own personal cat I would make sure to get the one that looked like it had at least two paws in the grave. The more sickly the better. I wanted to be able to give that cat a chance. I would take the runt/dying kitten home and nurse it back to health. I am so  lucky that my mom also loved animals because bringing home a half dead ugly ass cat isn't ideal to most people. I am also lucky that I have never once had ring worm and I am glad humans can't get ear mites. I must had a stomach of steal growing up. It would eventually grow up to be this huge beautiful cat. I have probably raised over 70 cats that were not mine. We would go through cat food like crazy and my parents would wonder, How much are you feeding your cat? It looks like it's almost dead, it can't be eating that much. Little did they know.

Well the reason I tell this bit of information is to give you a little history on my love for all God's creatures. Except one that I want to stake out and shoot! There has been a dog that comes to our house every night and gets into our trash. If it would just pick up before it left I wouldn't want to skin it and use it as a coat. I know that I should put my trash can lids on tighter or on at all, but when it's -6 degrees outside one has to come up with ways to get their trash from the door to the trash can without actually leaving the comfort of ones home. I have mastered throwing a full bag of trash from my door to my trash can on the side of my house. I do not want to put on shoes or a coat to go outside and place the trash in the can like a normal person and struggle with snapping that lid on with my ice covered delicate hands. I want to be a warm trash throwing person with good aim.
One funny comment that came out of my 4 year old was, Yup, we have to kill the dog. I looked in my rear view mirror and gave a look of concern. He said it with no hesitation and with such ease. Whelp, shoot in the head so we can get to eating our sticky buns. I was quiet for a couple seconds thinking in my head, what do I say to that comment. After all I am sitting in the front seat saying I am going to KILL THAT DOG!! So, nothing to worry about until he is at least 10. He was only copying his animal lover mother. At least he would have helped me get rid of the body. I guess I am going to have to do something completely out of the box and put my trash cans in the garage.

10.12.10

For My Brother


Hello everyone, it’s good to see all my family here.

This is a hard time for all of us. Josh has touched all our lives in some way or another and it is sad that we are no longer going to enjoy his comical personality.
Anyone who knew Josh knows how funny he could be, even if it was at your expense.
Josh’s insults were funny, leaving people wondering if they should be laughing or crying. As a kid I found this kind of confusing because I didn’t know whether I should punch him or laugh at him.
I will never forget the time I was standing outside with Josh and my dad. Josh was getting ready to flick his lit cigarette on the ground and he looked at me and my dad with a serious face and said, “Look, a Mexican firework.”  Josh then proceeded to flick his cigarette in the air and then he clapped. We all just laughed and knew that Josh showed a lot of his love through jokes and making fun of you.
I must have been really loved.
I had the privilege of growing up with a lot of nicknames from Josh. One nickname that showed that he loved me a lot was Little Ethiopian Man. Apparently I was really skinny and I had a mustache. That nickname did wonders for my preteen self esteem and that nickname stuck for quite awhile.

I will never forget the day we were leaving to Disneyland with my parents. Not because I was going to meet Mickey and Minnie or have a ton of fun on the rides. Those were only perks to what was about to happen right before the trip to Josh. Josh and I were standing outside waiting for my mom and dad to come out. Josh was throwing this plastic brush in the air and catching it. He did it over and over again. Being an impatient little girl, I was annoyed with waiting for my parents to come outside; therefore I wanted to take my frustration out on Josh with that brush. I ended up not having to even move a muscle. Josh threw the brush in the air again for the 20th time and that brush came down and hit Josh right in the mouth. It made a loud crack sound and when he looked at me in shock half his tooth was missing. I laughed until I cried. Not having time to find a dentist to get it fixed, Josh went through the whole trip with a chipped tooth.
Josh has gotten me into some pretty hairy situations but was always there to help me get out of them. One situation that actually hurt quiet bad was when he egged on our next door neighbor to, “Let me have it” Josh and I were having a tripping war with the neighbor kid. I won that war with the neighbor and Josh was giving this kid a hard time about it. I started to walk away and when I turned around to tell Josh to shut up the neighbor boy punched me right in the face. My face immediately swelled up. I looked up at my brother thinking, “I am going to tell dad, right now!” But before I could do that Josh turned around to the neighbor boy and punched him right in the face. He broke that kids nose and redeemed himself with me.

Josh did something for me that I don’t think he knew he did. I can thank Josh for all the times I had potential dates. Because of my ability to skateboard, play drums and listen to punk music it opened the doors to a lot of conversations with the opposite sex. Thank you Josh, you helped me get my husband.

Josh’s life was taken suddenly and violently. We could almost say that it wasn’t fair that he was taken in such a violent way and why did this happen? As I searched for my answers with books, scriptures and prayer I found an answer, or more a question that stuck out to me. To put it into the words of Job, “Shall any teach God knowledge?” He knows what he’s doing. He has this great and wonderful perfect plan for all of us. We all should remember that God grants life and everything that sustains life. Each marvelous moment is both a mystery and miracle. While we mourn, we should not take life’s wonder for granted.
Josh will forever be missed but I know in the right time, I will meet Josh again. We will all meet Josh again and he’ll make us all laugh, again.



12.10.10

Conclusion

I need sleeping pills!

Frequent Mistakes

Your- a form of the possessive case of you used as an attributive adjective. example: I like your hair.
 
You're- contraction of you are. example: You're pissing me off every time you use you're and your incorrectly.

Their- a form of the possessive case of they used as an attributive adjective, before a noun. example: Their dog was in our yard.



They're- contraction of they are. example: They're the coolest band ever!

To- Now to is used for a number of things.  example: They came to the house. He grew to 6 feet. We are going to the movies.

Too- in addition; furthermore;also. example: I love you too. Me too! This is too much to handle.

Houra period of time equal to one twenty-fourth of a mean solar or civil day and equivalent to 60 minutes. example: This post is taking me close to an hour to finish.   

Our-a form of the possessive case of we  used as an attributive adjective. example: Our dog has some pretty smelly farts.

Are - there is really no definition for are so I will just give you an example: Are you going to the Star Wars convention tonight?


But- on the contrary; yet  example: I was going to go to sleep, but I thought you might appreciate this post. 
 
Butt -the end or extremity of anything, esp. the thicker, larger, or blunt end considered as a bottom, base, support, or handle, as of a log, fishing rod, or pistol. example: Why would you want a huge butt like J Lo's?